Time
by BleakSituations
Summary: In this world there is no God. Setsuna's words give new meaning, but only at the very end do they realize just how much. Time is a human construct and there is no God. An insight on the confusion and beauty of life. Bit of Neil/Setsuna/Lyle. Some Allelujah/Hallelujah if you squint.
1. Time

Time

-  
>1.<p>

"Lockon Stratos." Setsuna has a bad habit of starting sentences with his full codename. There is a long pause in which Neil Dylandy expects a continuation, but apparently Setsuna F. Seiei is content in silence. Still, it is an eerie silence, so Neil finds himself breaking it as he turns from the beckons of the deepest, darkest reaches of space.

"Yes, Setsuna." It isn't really a question and Lockon can't bring himself to be his usual jovial self.

Setsuna eyes him for a long moment, standing there in the middle of the hall as though he had created his own gravity—Lockon often found himself wondering just how Setsuna managed that; he himself could barely stay standing in one place even while holding onto something.

Finally Setsuna finds what he's wanted to say, "In this world," he begins, catching Neil's eye, "There is no God." Then all of a sudden he is no longer there and Lockon is left with the impression that it had never happened. But the words echo in his mind hollowly and he finds himself staring out into the inky blackness once again, vague images registering and falling apart as he does.

-  
>A.<p>

"Allelujah Haptism." Allelujah turns from his venture down the hallway, half-expecting to see a scowling Tieria Erde coming after him to tell him he is unfit to be a Meister or to scold him for the pink hair dye he'd left in his shampoo bottle (Hallelujah had been feeling particularly vindictive after the last mission).

Instead in front of him stands Setsuna and he is momentarily confused, as they had never truly exchanged words outside of missions—and even then Setsuna is quite silent. But Setsuna doesn't stop and Allelujah finds himself floating after him, waiting for what must be a request or at least something about a mission. But Setsuna's mouth doesn't open until they are standing below the large windows on the left side of the ship.

"Time is a human construct," he says at length.

Allelujah looks up but Setsuna is already floating away and he thinks, rather succinctly, that Setsuna is _strange_. Before he realizes it, his body is moving after the boy and, reaching out to touch him, his hand goes straight through air.

Later on when Allelujah sends Setsuna weirded-out glances during the meeting for the next mission, Setsuna looks at him quizzically before ignoring him completely. It is very strange because, for a minute, Allelujah realizes that the specter he'd seen earlier was slightly taller than this real Setsuna, but that's impossible and he puts it out of his mind to deal with a fuming, pink-haired Tieria.

-  
>Intervention<p>

"Tieria Erde."

"Setsuna F. Seiei," Tieria states stoically as he turns to meet the boy's eyes. He is truly the only one that would react this way. There is a very long pause in which neither opens his mouth or looks away, before Setsuna moves to lean against the wall next to Tieria and the purple-haired man shifts to see him better.

"You would understand." It's said quietly, but monotone, as though he is musing to himself. Tieria does not answer, does not blink.

"Tieria Erde," Setsuna begins again, "Time is dynamic." There is another pause as Tieria merely quirks an eyebrow in what could be one of many things: curiosity, irritation or skepticism, maybe a combination. Setsuna looks thoughtful and it is a novel emotion on his face.

"Time is an unprecedented phenomenon that humans have constructed…" something like static crunches the rest of his words to shame, but that is probably a failure in his own hearing he rationalizes as it clears so he can hear the end: "…there is no God."

Tieria stares at him blankly before returning his gaze to the outer reaches of space. When he looks back Setsuna is floating away. He does not reach out after him.

-  
>2.<p>

"Setsuna."

The young man turns before giving a cursory glance at the tall man that had called his name, "Lockon Stratos."

There is another lengthy silence and at once Lockon is struck by fact that Setsuna really is a quiet individual, rarely opens his mouth even. It gives new meaning to their meeting from before.

Again he'd found Setsuna by the windows (one could argue he had been found before, but he pushed that thought out of his mind), staring out at the trillions of stars lighting up the empty space around them. Sparing a thought to how oppressive space would be without these pinpricks of light, Lockon turns his attention to the boy—man, war turns every boy into a man regardless of age—in front of him.

"...What did you mean the other day?" The words come out in a rush, almost embarrassed in intensity and Lockon finds himself looking away sheepishly.

There is another silence, in which Setsuna muses and Lockon looks on in a growing mixture of curiosity and confusion. Setsuna is weighing his words now, finding the best way to phrase his response; Lockon can almost see the cogs turning in his head but Neil misses it completely.

"I don't know what you're talking about." And Setsuna is once more gone, this time floating down the hallway serenely as Lockon looks on in apathy and Neil in confusion.

Neil doesn't quite know when Lockon became Lockon.  
>Lockon doesn't quite know when Neil became Neil.<p>

-  
>B.<p>

"Ya, Setsuna." He has a sudden hatred of his name—it belongs to him, sure, so he is automatically entitled to answer any queries directed at it. There's something wrong with that, he thinks vaguely, but turns around and stares blankly at Allelujah who had raised a hand in greeting. Silence reigns.

"Um," Allelujah begins, scratching the back of his neck idly, "Have you gotten taller by any chance?" The words rush out almost unconsciously and Allelujah almost winces at the stupidity in that question.

Setsuna raises an eyebrow, "No more than was calculated." It is a typical Setsuna answer. There is no 'why do you ask?' or 'what's up with you?' Allelujah should have expected this type of answer. _Setsuna is an antisocial loner of a brat_, Hallelujah interjects smoothly, _it stands to reason_. Cackling gleefully, he fades away leaving Allelujah bewildered: the day Hallelujah filters his speech is the day pigs are set to fly—Allelujah surreptitiously glances through the window but immediately feels stupid… after all, everything floats in space. He makes a mental note to check the news from Earth later on.

He turns back but Setsuna has either already lost patience or figured he was of no more use and is moving toward his room. Allelujah's body springs into action so quickly that he feels maybe Hallelujah has taken over—but no, he's sleeping soundly in his room, far away from the controls on this body. His hand catches hold of Setsuna's arm and he realizes with a start that he can touch this one. A welcome (?) difference that proves he's not crazy (-er than he'd started out—what with people fiddling around with his brain all his life and the clear existence of Halle).

Setsuna's glare clearly states 'If you want to talk, talk' but he can't find the words he wants to say and articulating anything beyond a garbled "Wait" becomes difficult.

"Are you ill, Allelujah Haptism." It is more a statement than a question and Allelujah feels as though he really might be—should be.

"Wait," he says more firmly, ignoring the question (clearly not a question). Setsuna looks on passively.

-  
>Interjection<p>

"Setsuna F. Seiei." Just why did everyone insist on talking to him lately?

"Tieria Erde."

They stand staring at one another for a while, meteors shooting past just a few feet away, hitting off the sparkly particles outside and creating a symphonious light show. Neither really notices as they pass through the meteor field and it isn't a large enough event to warrant announcement so no sound breaks through the oppressive silence sitting between the two warily. The sound of meteors clashing with particles stops suddenly and it is as if time is standing still, suspended between light and sound, stars moving hazily in the background.

It is during this time that Tieria finally opens his mouth to give shape to the words writhing in his brain and settling heavily in his gut.

"I—" But suddenly Ptolemaios is under attack and the conversation is put on hold as they race to their respective Gundams. Virtue. Exia—odd one out, meaning and depth behind effervescent naming.

-  
>3.<p>

It's mysterious, Neil muses as he floats through space, how time seems to stand still at the most critical moments. And then Lockon takes over.

-  
>C.<p>

_You have always had an unhealthy obsession with that girl_. It is a ghost of a whisper in his mind, barely there to the point he almost cannot register its existence. But it is there and gives him new hope—after all these years he is not alone. But as he waits and waits for a sentence, a word, a syllable he hears naught but the silence around him, burrowing deep into his bones and impossibly creating shadows in the darkness surrounding him. How long had it been since he's seen the light of day he does not know and time passes in a blur—without the establishment of regular intervals it is impossible for him to tell if it has been years, months, weeks, or even just days.

His mind works sluggishly and he comes to the realization that he has not conversed with anyone but the void in his recent memory, has not been able to make out anything in the darkness since he was placed here (for a terrifying moment he wonders if he's gone blind, but no he can just see a strand of his too-long hair out of the corner of his eye), has not had a cognitive thought this introspective since his mind partner had gone.

Allelujah realizes for the first time that Setsuna is right—has always been right about the important things. Time is a human construct, he'd said, and the thought slips away from him as the wind slips through one's hands.

-  
>Intermission<p>

Tieria Erde wakes up one morning to Veda's betrayal. Granted Veda isn't truly sentient—just another computer-age system with an intelligent interface that provides it something of a created personality—but it still hits home and Tieria is reminded that someone somewhere sometime had told him once that he should put his faith more in humans than in machines. He can't remember who had said it, knows that in the first place he had forgotten it, and wonders why now of all times it was coming back to him.

-  
>4.<p>

Lyle Dylandy is Neil Dylandy's successor, but Lockon Stratos remains Lockon Stratos.

-  
>D.<p>

Hallelujah has been replaced, Allelujah realizes one day, by a little voice in his head called Yallelujah. He wonders vaguely if it's a brain child.

-  
>Interfusion<p>

Tieria realizes belatedly, once everything has begun once again, that there is a certain importance in the past, the present and the future. Before, he had been coasting through life relying on ideals of others. He's doing much the same by following Setsuna but this time it is his belief as well and that makes all the difference. Tieria wonders how Tieria Erde rationalized everything so well all those years ago.

-  
>5.<p>

Lyle Dylandy stands at an impasse; gazing out the window he wonders vaguely how his brother had handled all this pressure, but realizes he has a different kind. He is a spy, of course, so he reports beneficial facts to the Revolutionary Army, but he is also Lockon Stratos, of course, so he leaves out irrelevant details that should never be made known to anyone outside of Celestial Being. Like how Lyle Dylandy is becoming Lockon Stratos. He figures he won't tell Setsuna, either, Setsuna or even Haro. No one else deserves acknowledgement just yet.

It is the day he kisses Feldt for her sake that he realizes just how much he is now Lockon Stratos. The slap hurts in a way that he is unfamiliar with and his heart burns the way he was sure his brother's had. Lyle Dylandy is being assimilated.

-  
>E.<p>

Yallelujah's voice gets louder as the days pass. Allelujah wakes up one morning and realizes the date is a month after he'd last checked.

-  
>Intravenous<p>

Tieria awakens to himself as he stands by a window, staring out at the vast expanse of nothing. Maybe, he thinks, just maybe. Possibilities exist and disappear like flickering lights, there but not there. And he thinks maybe Tieria Erde is acting up as color fills his eyes. He stares at his reflection, multicolor eyes flaring, and can think of nothing but 'man-made.'

God may really not exist—just where had he heard that?

-  
>6.<p>

Every day as he floats around the ship slowly or stares out at the stars tranquilly Lyle Dylandy is himself. During missions he stands in the meeting room and pilots Cherudim as Lockon Stratos. At night he is Neil Dylandy.

So one night as he sees adult Setsuna pass before his eyes and a smaller, more naïve version reflects itself in his eyes he starts again, "Setsuna." Lyle Dylandy has never called him so, Lockon Stratos only speaks to him out of necessity and also thinks it's strange, but they are asleep and this is Neil Dylandy so this is normal.

Setsuna turns, that same stoic expression on his face and LockoNeiLyle wonders if he would ever show any (other) emotion. Neil has a sudden image of tanned limbs splayed across a white bed sheet, blood red eyes blazing and pink petal lips parted breathlessly, and Lyle shifts uncomfortably. Twin siblings have always had similar cravings. Lockon Stratos—machine, man-made—looks on unaffected.

The question is still between them, "What did you mean?"

To his credit Setsuna doesn't look the slightest bit confused but for once he is very, very wrong, "Lockon Stratos."

Neil Dylandy looks on sadly, but remains silent.

Setsuna sighs and turns completely, "Time is a human construct and there is no God." Then he turns and walks away.

Surprise flares in LockoNeiLyle's eyes and everything is clear. Neil is Lyle is Lockon is Neil and everything makes sense for the first time.

-  
>F.<p>

Allelujah's conversations with Yallelujah are normally quite brief, like they don't know quite how to maneuver around one another just yet. This is changing slowly, but Allelujah knows that it will never be the bantering carefree exchanges he shared with Hallelujah. He finds on occasion that he misses the psychotic laughter that always accompanied crude comments, and watches as the world turns slowly.

A few days later he sees Setsuna and has the sudden urge to call him a bastard and tell him to just get it on with Lockon already, they've been tiptoeing around each other for _ages_. He's found the reason then; Hallelujah isn't gone—it's Allelujah that's disappearing.

So what does that make Yallelujah?

-  
>Interval<p>

They're underwater now, coasting along in submarine mode and looking for all the world like a giant mechanical fish. Time is lost here, Tieria realizes as he looks out into the dark blue water—is it night? He's been asleep for hours, minutes, days, hell he could have been asleep for years and he would never have realized it. The ocean water around them is a dark never-changing blue.

-  
>7.<p>

Earth is nostalgic for Lyle, a bad memory for Neil and simply another location for Lockon. But none of them likes the contrived silence below thousands of nautical miles of water.

-  
>G.<p>

In the inky darkness of the deep sea salt water, the Ptolemaios II forges ahead and Allelujah is left with the feeling that progress in this never-changing world may be possible.

Then Yallelujah intervenes mumbling something about lack of time and the illusion comes crashing to pieces. Allelujah leans against the window, yearning for the outside, for a touch of cool water on his cheek and the feeling of the receding tide. Cold glass meets his nerves and he frowns slowly.

Hallelujah's cackling laughter is haunting him, he's sure, and he hears it in the background more and more often as time passes. For all he knows Yallelujah has it recorded and plays it at the most inconvenient times to mess with him—but no, robots don't do anything that isn't in their programming.

As he muses he sees Setsuna pass by walking slowly and almost without aim. He doesn't say anything, doesn't move even when he sees the other see him, doesn't nod, doesn't blink. Setsuna barely glances at him before continuing on his way. He's matured—learned when to leave others to their thoughts.

He has the sudden feeling that he should have stopped Setsuna—he needs to vent, needs to let out these simmering emotions, the words caught up in his chest, unmoving. The pressure doubles and he wonders idly if they've been diving steadily.

-  
>Interception<p>

It is getting difficult for Tieria to deny his out of place feeling. For him Celestial Being isn't the same as it was four years before; now it is much more laidback (he likes laidback but for some reason…) and despite this it almost feels as if they are still following the plan. Aeolia Schenburg must have been clairvoyant.

They're on Earth now, he and some of the others, shooting pieces of glass-metal out of the sky. At their backs are enemies and allies alike and he knows that if this doesn't end soon something will have to give. If it doesn't end soon enough they'll turn on each other. If it ends too soon they'll turn on one another. If it ends at all this place will become a battlefield.

It's an engrained fear, something pathological. But for the moment he can't stand the idea of those innocent people somewhere far below them dying for no purpose, will not allow the landscape to be marred because of an idiotic automatic system (_man-made_, Tieria Erde whispers; _shut up_ Tieria responds).

He doesn't need the reminder now, not when they're trying so hard to do what is necessary. Then finally it is over and his paranoia has been disproven. Cheers abound and mobile suits make their way to the ground.

The sun shines once again, coming out from behind the giant sheets of glass-metal, man-made clouds.

8.

It is only when they are back in space, traveling quickly across the space elevator to what could be their deaths does Lyle Dylandy realize that Neil Dylandy realizes that Lockon Stratos has realized. There are three of them—one. As Cherudim's steel bits get shot down one by one by one, Lockon channels Lyle, channels Neil. They aim for the core and—

H.

Yallelujah's voice always rings in his mind when he speaks, like a bell—one of those big deep ones, not the clear un-muddled ones that sound so beautiful. Hallelujah's voice has always been a bit psychopathic, but remains clear, like a human's. When they both tell him the same thing he realizes it may just be important and, as he sits in the cockpit of Arios exhausted, he glances up at Marie's suit and realizes he needs to come to a firm decision about the three of them—four, if he was to include Yallelujah's bell-like robotic voice.

Allelujah Haptism will not disappear from this world, he determines looking up into the glorious sunlight, but he will no longer be present. Hallelujah roars in the background, but Yallelujah just looks on apathetically.

-  
>Interfold<p>

The war is over (for now) and they are all somehow alive. Peace is almost painful after all that time spent on the Ptolemaios II and Tieria finds himself standing on Earth for the first time in what feels like a long time. The blue sky spreads over him almost endlessly accompanied by fluffy white clouds and a brightly shining sun. It is time and it is changing—and it is beautiful.

-  
>9.<p>

The battle against Ali al-Saachez is painful in a new way. Lyle has the underlying feeling that his brother's death was in vain, Lockon is upset that he missed his enemy (such an _easy_ shot), and Neil sits in muted fury. Once they strike the final blow, they sit forlornly in Cherudim and wonder if it was justified. Revenge leaves a satisfied knot in their stomach, but it fades quickly and there is a hollow pressure sitting where there should have been a sense of fulfillment. Exhaustion—both physical and mental—creeps in and they sit panting in the cockpit as if they'd run a marathon. Lyle Dylandy looks up first and the cameras set on Cherudim show him scenes of death and carnage, and he is reminded of a long-ago past.

He shuts his eyes tight but the flash of light that pervades his vision is one of memory and he cannot shut it out. He remembers the ruins of his house, the feel of his brother's hand in his own as they searched desperately for their parents. It is painful, Neil thinks, trying in vain to shut it out—it will always be with him.

Lockon takes over and they return to Ptolemaios II and Lyle for the first time is grateful for him. The realization that they are partners sets in and once he sees Setsuna's resolute face he knows what he—they—must do.

I.

In the end Allelujah wins out. Hallelujah is triumphant—Yallelujah looks on absently, robotic until the end.

-  
>Internal<p>

It is at the moment he sees his death that Tieria realizes. Tieria Erde is there telling him 'I told you so' but still he ignores him. Thoughts run through his head like a stampede and he comes to terms with the fact that he is Tieria is Tieria Erde, is Innovator. His multicolor eyes glow and he can feel his mortal body die.

* * *

><p>Reading in between the lines will be your best friend ^^ Might be continued in the future, in which case I'll post a second chapter.<p>

Reviews are appreciated, but not mandatory of course. Please let me know what you think!


	2. Distance

Time

Chapter 2: _Distance_

開始―かいし

The torrential sound of scattered gunshots floods the streets, buildings collapsing upon one another as body after body—mechanical, human, mechanical—falls, bullets cutting through concrete as easily as through butter and creating unnecessary skylights in steel roofing, in clay walls, in concrete slabs thicker than the human body. It is within this scene that children run through the streets playing dangerous games—just steps ahead of a losing score, just steps behind a triumphant victory. It's a racing game of tag played with metal rifles; if the bullet merely grazes you, you're _out_.

Despite the advantage the droids have over the children, even though they're set to win this round, they may yet lose the next battle in this war game, may have their ships sunk before they realize it. But for now the situation is such that one by one the children fall prey to this lethal game of freeze tag, bodies strewn haphazardly across the ground—mere fodder for the machinery moving above them.

And finally there is only one boy left. His eyes flit left, right, left, right and he ducks behind a wall in the nick of time, slouching to avoid bullets large enough, powerful enough to go through the clay behind him and standing to continue this glorious, horrible game of tag.

They've seen him, it's too late—_this is a battle for God_—and he can see the machine move, can practically see the man at the controls take careful aim. He'd close his eyes but he's too terrified to move, too terrified to think, too terrified even to blink. _In this world there is no God_.

Adrenalin rushes through his body like wildfire, the only thing keeping him from dropping to the ground bonelessly. And suddenly there is a flash of light, an explosion, and no longer is there a towering machine aiming at him. Fight or flight, he turns to his next opponent, but there is another flash of light, another explosion. On his next turn he realizes there are no opponents left—four, five flashes followed by four, five explosions—and he looks up half in dread, half in relief to see what has become his savior. He doesn't know what it is, doesn't know why it's shining so much, but is determined to follow it until he finds out… he's never been saved by a machine before.

.—. .—. .—. .—.

夢魔―むま

It is difficult, at first, getting used to Celestial Being. The personalities are from all walks of life—some unknown, others well-known secrets—and 'Setsuna' feels a bit lost. The young boy with the rifle has been replaced with a young boy with a Gundam.

He likes the change, likes the wavering, sort-of respect that the Meisters have for one another, likes the fact that he could be left to his own devices. The ship, Ptolemaios, is too large for the mere ten people on it, for the four mobile suits sitting in its confines, and the empty hallways are a relief and a nightmare. The space is tight such that flawless white walls and pristine grey floors regularly replace themselves with crumbling clay remains and scattered debris… and in the corner sits a doll with a cracked face.

His sparse room is often superimposed upon by the small, square shack he'd lived in with his parents; the desk in the corner supplanted lovingly by the bloody figures of his parents slumped coldly against the ground.

He has terrible nightmares, has had them for his entire two month stay on this ship, memories unwilling to fade behind the not white enough, too white walls and the not dark enough, too dark grey floors.

It is only months, years later on the First Mission that the nightmares fade completely under the elation created by a successful mission. Setsuna stands by Exia, looking up at another machine that had saved his life and his hands fist next to his side.

_I am Gundam_, he thinks, and for once the world is right, _I am Gundam_.

.—. .—. .—. .—.

"Setsuna."

The young man turns before giving a cursory glance at the source of the voice, "Lockon Stratos."

There is another lengthy silence and Setsuna finds it almost soothing, regardless that he knows it won't last. No, not with the man in front of him—it never does.

"...What did you mean the other day?" The words come out in a rush, almost embarrassed in intensity and Lockon looks away sheepishly.

Setsuna is silent, cogs turning in his mind, ideas half-forming, words colluding, and mind whirling. With a critical glance at the other man, he notices the growing mixture of curiosity and confusion and finds that his silence helps neither.

He answers the only way he knows how, because he is as lost as the one in front of him: "I don't know what you're talking about."

Setsuna decides to take his exit, floating down the hallway serenely, and he can feel the conflicted gaze at his back.

.—. .—.

"Ya, Setsuna." He has a sudden hatred of his name—it belongs to him, sure, so he is automatically entitled to answer any queries directed at it. There's something wrong with that, he thinks vaguely, but turns around and stares blankly at Allelujah who had raised a hand in greeting. Silence reigns.

"Um," Allelujah begins, scratching the back of his neck idly, "Have you gotten taller by any chance?" The words seem to be almost unconsciously rushed and he sees Allelujah withhold a wince.

His reaction is strange, Setsuna realizes. Why would he flinch at his own question? It is a perfectly reasonable query.

So, raising an eyebrow, he answers straightforwardly: "No more than was calculated."

Allelujah's expression turns bewildered and he glances surreptitiously out the window and into space before shaking his head, eyes moving to the bottom left to show that he is making a mental note to remember...something. Setsuna isn't curious enough to ask just what it is and wanders away, moving toward his room.

Before he realizes what is happening, there is a hand clutching tightly to his arm and he is once again facing the other man. He is impatient, almost, knows that it's probably nothing but glares up at the other with clear "Don't touch me" vibes.

"Wait," the other manages, between gasps—sudden and unexpected, they prevent him from articulating much more than that.

Setsuna is concerned, despite himself, "Are you ill, Allelujah Haptism." His voice has always had this robotic lilt to it, he knows, and the fact that it doesn't come out as a question is slightly bothersome. But Allelujah is already trying to control his breathing, getting a handle on whatever it was that had come over him and he figures it's alright, at least for now.

"Wait," Allelujah says more firmly, ignoring the question. Slightly floored by the answer (clearly not an answer), Setsuna looks on passively.

.—. .—.

"Setsuna F. Seiei." Just why did everyone insist on talking to him lately?

"Tieria Erde."

They stand staring at one another for a while, meteors shooting past just a few feet away, hitting off the sparkly particles outside and creating a symphonious light show. Neither really notices as they pass through the meteor field and it isn't a large enough event to warrant announcement so no sound breaks through the oppressive silence sitting between the two warily. The sound of meteors clashing with particles stops suddenly and it is as if time is standing still, suspended between light and sound, stars moving hazily in the background.

It is during this time that Tieria finally opens his mouth to give shape to whatever words he had decided to speak; knowing Tieria, they had most likely been writhing in his brain and settling heavily in his gut before he managed to find the right phrasing.

"I—" But suddenly Ptolemaios is under attack and the conversation is put on hold as they race to their respective Gundams. Virtue. Exia—odd one out, meaning and depth behind effervescent naming.

.—. .—. .—. .—.

戦争―せんそう

He has avoided mirrors for months now, refuses to look at the haunted reflection even in the large space-glass windows of the Ptolemaios II. A simple glance into the depths of space, at the pinpricks of light playing off the thick glass, at the GN particles dancing in his vision, ruins his efforts and he finds himself staring into his reflection, taking in the haggard appearance in front of him. His clothing is rumpled, his hair disheveled, and his eyes are bloodshot to the point that they blend with the blood red of his irises; the color is so pure, so dark red that it seems to glow. He looks demonic.

.—. .—. .—. .—.

薔薇―ばら

Setsuna doesn't like his real name, refuses to think about it let alone speak it aloud. Whenever it does come to mind, it brings forth memories better replaced: flashes of stupidity that had been passed off as bravery, flames shooting high into the sky, a little boy with a rifle, terrified adults... and the Kurdish "army."

No, Setsuna thinks, his real name isn't important; his past has no meaning. Setsuna F. Seiei will always be Setsuna F. Seiei.

.—. .—. .—. .—.

Another flash, followed by another explosion. This time the machine wasn't enough to save a life. Setsuna mourns the loss of his companions, mourns the loss of his morality, mourns the loss of his sanity. In the year that follows, he makes himself disappear and forces himself to stop thinking, refusing to focus on the loss of so much human life. He is so concentrated on putting a stop to the monster they had created that he doesn't notice when Celestial Being sneaks up on him once again.

.—. .—. .—. .—.

損失―そんしつ

It's human nature, Setsuna thinks occasionally, to want more than he can have. And the warmth of the few months before First Mission… he wants it, yearns for it so thoroughly that his bones shake with the feeling.

.—. .—. .—. .—.

The plan to save Allelujah is pinpoint—Sumeragi Lee Noriega will never lose her touch, regardless of what she thinks—and, although Setsuna sees that hesitation in the man's every move, he knows that soon things will be back to a modicum of stability. He is half frightened by the fact that it will never truly be the same.

.—. .—. .—. .—.

雲間―くもま

He dreams, sometimes. Faraway warnings and watercolour images flutter through his mind, memories of better times, regrets for the loss of bright young men and women that had squandered their lives embroiled in dangerous games. Some dreams are more vivid than others, shine brighter and hit deeper. Setsuna F. Seiei dreams of happier days, days before everything had started, days at the cusp of First Mission and, sometimes, the almost cheerful days after—when dyeing someone's hair pink was the worst you could do. Setsuna dreams...

Some of his dreams are a little more realistic than others, some stick in his mind as though they _a__re_ real. Others are merely wisps of foggy memory, unable to break free from the land lost between shades of winter and summer suns.

.—. .—. .—. .—.

It is on some holiday he doesn't celebrate that he takes the time to remember the lives that had been lost in the war. Despite the keen sense of loss, there is a spark of light in the darkness. Double 0 helps him see the pinpricks of light, the lives that have yet to be snuffed out and he feels, for the first time, that there may be hope for the future.

.—. .—. .—. .—.

敗軍―はいぐん

"Lockon Stratos." Setsuna has a bad habit of starting sentences with full codenames. There is a long pause in which Neil Dylandy apparently expects a continuation, but Setsuna F. Seiei is content in silence. Calmed by the soothing hum of the ship beneath his feet, the depthlessness of space stretching as far as the eye could see beyond the too-thin, too-thick walls, Setsuna stands facing Lockon Stratos without a care in the world.

These are the best kind, really: this is Neil Dylandy.

Whatever reverie Neil had found himself in before as he stared at that same depthless space is broken, the silence shattered along with it.

"Yes, Setsuna." It isn't really a question and Setsuna frowns at the lack of Neil's usual joviality, mind racing to what words he should use to make that free-spirited man return. The moment it takes him to gather the words that make the most sense is lengthy and throughout it he can do naught but stand there and stare at the one person who had always been able to shrug things off, a man who had remained strong through tragedy and hardship, a man who had killed in cold blood for the sake of a goal so generalized that they had never really had a plan for it.

Setsuna closes his eyes at the brief stab of pain the memory causes him but finally drudges up the words he thinks most meaningful, those that had always been the blocks on which he had created himself: "In this world," he begins, making sure to catch Neil's eye, "There is no God." Then all of a sudden the scene fades completely and he is left with the impression that he has said too much, has spoken too little. And he regrets.

.—. .—.

"Allelujah Haptism." Allelujah turns from his venture down the hallway, and Setsuna doesn't know what exactly he had expected but obviously it isn't him, isn't the boy shaped by war and moulded by hatred, isn't the boy that had until this point been silent even on missions. He sees the confusion flit across the other's faces, acknowledges the spark of pain it causes within him, and forces himself to move. He continues floating—the pain still active as he tries desperately to make it _stop_, the moment so fleeting that it would be a waste if he spent it wallowing—and finally comes to rest at the foot of the large windows on the left side of the ship.

"Time is a human construct," he says at length, after some thought on the right words to soothe the aching souls in the body before him.

By the time he feels Allelujah look up, he is already floating away—already disintegrating in this time—but he can still feel the hand that goes straight through part of his arm. It's too late for that, too late for anything but comforting words. Too late maybe even for that.

.—. .—.

"Tieria Erde."

"Setsuna F. Seiei," Tieria states stoically as he turns to meet the boy's eyes. He is truly the only one that would react this way. There is a very long pause in which neither opens his mouth or looks away, before Setsuna gives in and moves to lean against the wall next to Tieria, and the purple-haired man shifts to see him better in acknowledgement.

"You would understand," he mumbles quietly, sure that his words will get through to the man in front of him as they had not in the others. Still it is monotone, something he has not been able to break from. Tieria does not answer, does not blink.

"Tieria Erde," he begins again, more confidently, "Time is dynamic." There is another pause as he lets the other man absorb his words, but Tieria merely quirks an eyebrow in what could be one of many things: curiosity, irritation or skepticism, maybe a combination. Setsuna looks on thoughtfully and decides to continue.

"Time is an unprecedented phenomenon that humans have constructed," the thought-memory warbles, but he continues regardless, "to regulate not only the flow of the worlds, but humankind as well. Humans are misguided, lost in their own creations. Technology is a mirror, intentionally or not. Remember this: there is no God."

Tieria stares at him blankly and he wonders if his message has gone through, wonders if the emotions were enough, were too much to hold this image together. Before the other turns his gaze back for whatever reason, he is floating away. But Tieria does not reach out after him. Setsuna reflects.

.—. .—. .—. .—.

One day the lines between reality and dreamland blur ever more. Setsuna sees a young boy with a rifle, sees a torn and tattered battlefield, and regrets.

.—. .—. .—. .—.

悔恨―かいこん

He runs into Lockon one night, sometime during his musings.

"Setsuna," the other calls him to a stop. Lyle Dylandy rarely calls him so, rarely speaks with him unnecessarily.

He turns, sure that his face is set in its normal stoic mask, and sees a passing glint in the other's eyes but does not know what it could mean, does not pry enough to ask what it is.

"What did you mean?" It's an unexpected question, one that throws him off slightly. He hasn't spoken with Lyle recently, doesn't know the context.

Moving forward blindly, his answer is patient, "Lockon Stratos."

He sees the sadness, the abrupt pain in the other's eyes and finally understands through the silence. Sighing, he turns fully to answer the query, leaving a surprised complication in his wake as he walks away slowly.

He hopes it's enough, hopes it's not too much, and wonders why the one to ask was the one he least expected would.

"_Time is a human construct and there is no God_."

.—. .—. .—. .—.

Setsuna has never felt comfortable in space, although his sense of gravity is better than most, has never felt comfortable on Earth because any barren land, any building is a reminder of his roots. He does not feel comfortable even underwater as Ptolemaios II makes its way to its next location; the closed-in feeling and contrived silence are simply eerie. He wonders if he'll ever find a place in which he can settle down, wonders if the memories will ever cease to haunt him.

.—. .—. .—. .—.

戦勝―せんしょう

He's out playing a flashy little decoy in 00 with Saji, who he'd badgered into coming along for the ride—he doesn't know the situation at all, doesn't know what's going on around him although he should, he just knows that his goal is to fly around and rip, slash, shoot, slash, rip every enemy enough that maybe it doesn't kill them. He's not in control though, not anymore, and he's not sure if he can hold back either. It's one thing to be a decoy, another to be a suicidal decoy; no, he'd mourn the loss of life later, for the moment he only wants to keep them alive, the precious people for whom he had sacrificed so much to obtain.

.—. .—. .—. .—.

自然―しぜん

Although he's never had a real childhood—and he knows better than most what _normal_ is, for the lack of it—he's seen the happy children around Marina Ismail, knows that there is still good in this world, and fights on to protect that innocence.

.—. .—. .—. .—.

Setsuna knows well that obsession is a persuasive seducer, has been seduced already but knows that were he to give in, were he to kill in cold blood, he would be a changed man. He finds the cost of that change too high and pulls himself back once he sees the vile effect this clever seducer has on others. Graham Aker may yet recover his mind, he hopes, as he leaves him behind to dwell on his failings—both real and imagined.

.—. .—. .—. .—.

Double 0 was a great partner, Setsuna thinks absently as he runs it through with his sword, but machinery is not to be trusted, he knows, because technology is a mirror.

.—. .—. .—. .—.

微妙―びみょう

It is only when Ali al-Saachez is dead and he sees Lockon Stratos (Neil Dylandy, Lyle Dylandy) step out of Cherudim's cockpit carefully, only when he sees the brittle look in his eyes, that he realizes the other man had never been able to shrug things off as easily as he had thought. Lyle is in pain, he thinks as he nears him ever so slowly, Neil is in pain. There is a feeling in his chest as though someone is squeezing his heart; he looks down, but of course there is nothing and no one there.

When he looks back up again the broken, maddened gleam in the other's eyes is gone, in its place the everyday jovial mask that had so well covered all his troubled times long past. But this mask is thin and Setsuna can see the pain and emptiness lingering behind, waiting to take over at the tiniest show of weakness.

He doesn't know what to do, has never known how to comfort others, but holds out his arms in the universal sign for a hug and waits patiently. There is a strange glint in the other's eyes now, a bewildered look on his face, before he is suddenly smothered in Lyle (_in Neil_, a traitorous voice in his mind intones). His scent is indescribably soothing, even though it should be the other way around; there is no reason Setsuna F. Seiei needs the comfort. None at all.

He feels tears prick at his eyes and he knows. He regrets.

.—. .—. .—. .—.

死命―しめい

Had he really been saved by that machine?

Somehow Setsuna cannot remember his real name.

* * *

><p>Please note that Setsuna's 「俺はグンダムだ」(orewa Gundam da) has two possible meanings, of varying believability. I chose to use the literal interpretation: 'I am Gundam,' but it can also (and more likely does) mean roughly 'I will use this Gundam.' It's a bit awkward in English, honestly, but I think that's more the feeling in the anime. That said, I prefer the former *whistles innocently*<p>

Furthermore: I have exhausted my supply of ways to differentiate paragraphs, and honestly if I was to use English words, it wouldn't look like a break, it would look like a continuation. No, these are _breaks_ in the sequence, important memories that shape Setsuna, so each section with a kanji should be read with these underlying meanings:

開始 – 'kaishi' Start

夢魔 – 'muma' Nightmare; succubus, incubus, demon appearing within a dream

戦争 – 'sensou' War

薔薇 – 'bara' A rose

損失 – 'sonshitsu' Heavy loss

雲間 – 'kumoma' Rift between clouds

敗軍 – 'haigun' Defeat; lost battle

悔恨 – 'kaikon' Regret

戦勝 – 'senshou' Victory, triumph

自然 – 'shizen' Nature/spontaneity; naturally/spontaneously

微妙 – 'bimyou' Delicate, subtle, sensitive; difficult, complicated (situation); doubtful, questionable, dicey

死命 – 'shimei' Fate; life or death

Nox Inviticus - Thank you so much! You don't know how glad I am to hear those words :O I hope this chapter has lived up to your expectations, as well! ^^


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